And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
