Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
