I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize