i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
