Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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