When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
