just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
