Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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