i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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