I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
bring money and cleavage
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
