I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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