hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
kristin has been a bad kristin
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
