Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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