we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
