She's JV to your varsity
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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