He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I love you. Go after that dick
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
