the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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