If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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