R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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