i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
