Duck Duck Cougar?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize