the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize