Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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