haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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