I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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