Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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