im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize