im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
