I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
