I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
