i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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