So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
