I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
