we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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