Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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