If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
