Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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