There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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