I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
