The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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