we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
