My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
