omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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