I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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