The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
another moral hangover. fuck.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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