I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
