My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
