The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
