Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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