I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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