I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
