I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
