That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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