He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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