Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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