He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
