I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Everything about him screamed your future.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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