one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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