I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
