As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
