So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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