Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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