It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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