Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
