You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
