Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
