Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
