You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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