just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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