My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
